Like the Last Time and the Time Before
by Spookykat
Summary: Blaine finds out about the results of Kurt's audition. A 3X22 Reaction fic.


Season 3 Finale reaction fic. Title taken from 'Maybe This Time' from _Cabaret_.

* * *

Blaine is waiting in his car in the parking-lot after everyone was supposed to open their letters, and doesn't have to ask what the letter said to know the answer to the question. The slump in Kurt's shoulders and the red-rimmed eyes are the only answers Blaine needs, and Blaine's heart breaks just a little.

Kurt doesn't say anything at first after he gets in the car, and won't even meet Blaine's eyes.

Blaine puts the keys in the ignition, but doesn't crank the car up.

"You want to talk about it?"

"I was so sure you were going to get in, Kurt," Blaine says finally. "I just knew it the minute you finished the last note that you nailed your audition that you'd just made your dreams come true that day."

"Yeah well," Kurt says as he sniffs. "She said that the performance was extraordinary. Apparently being extraordinary isn't enough."

"So you didn't get in this time," Blaine said, putting his hand on Kurt's knee. "You can take core classes at the community college for a year and try out again next year. Would I be a horrible boyfriend if I said I don't think getting to spend an extra year with you being a little more local might not sound like such a bad idea?"

Kurt tries to give him a watery smile, but he can't, not yet. He's too numb to be upset right now.

Blaine just sits there, heart twisting in his chest, hating to see Kurt so dejected.

"You want to get coffee?" Blaine asks for a long while, handing him an embroidered handkerchief his grandmother gave him. Kurt blows his nose on it in a way that's comically loud, and Blaine has to bite the inside of his jaw to keep from smiling.

"I don't think I really want to be in public right now. Although I might as well pick up an application because those kinds of jobs are pretty much all I'll be qualified for."

"So you got one rejection letter. This isn't the end of the world, Kurt. If that had stopped J.K. Rowling, we would've never have gotten Harry Potter."

Kurt smiles a little but then he starts to shake with sobs and Blaine unbuckles his seatbelt so he can put his arms around his boyfriend's shoulders.

Blaine pulls Kurt to him and holds him close, not caring at the moment that they're in a parking lot in Ohio where anyone could see.

"Come on, Kurt," Blaine sooths, rubbing Kurt's back as Kurt solves. "Breathe. In and out, in and out."

He inhales and exhales against Kurt's trembling form, and slowly, Kurt begins to breathe with him, and finally with a shuttering breath, Kurt pulls apart.

Blaine just sits there in the driver's seat, feeling completely helpless, and he hates that this happened, he hates that the world let Kurt down again, because Kurt is amazing and deserves better things from the Universe.

"The year after my mom died was really, really hard." Kurt finally said.

"I can't even imagine," Blaine replies, still unsure, but he turns the engine off and lays a hand on Kurt's shoulder as he listens.

\"I wish you could've known her," he says. "I think she would've liked you."

"I wish I could've known her, too," Blaine answers quietly. "And for what it's worth, if she was anything like you, I'm pretty sure I'd love her."

Blaine hopes that it'll earn him a smile from Kurt, but it doesn't.

"I didn't come out of the closet until my Sophomore year, but I don't think it would've mattered to her, because as far as she was concerned, I was her son, and she knew I liked Barbies instead of Hot Wheels when I was little, and she didn't care. "

"Yeah, well, that's what moms are good for, right?" Blaine ventures.

"Mom always taught me to do my best and be kind and work hard, and I thought it would be enough. I thought if I worked hard and did my best and stayed true to myself that it'd be enough. That that'd be my ticket out of this town."

"So it's not enough this time," Blaine finally says after a long pause. "So it's not enough right this very moment. But I know what kind of person you are, Kurt. I know what kind of a performer you are, and you've never been someone who does anything but your absolute best, and you've never been someone who gives up just because someone says 'no.' Next year, we won't just apply to NYADA. We'll apply to Tisch School of Performing Arts at NYU, we'll apply to Manhattan School of Music, we'll apply to the top schools of music closer to home like Oberlin, Kent State, Bowling Green. You know Stephen Schwartz gave a master class at Kent State a couple of years ago?"

"Do you have any idea what it was like for me, before, Blaine?" Kurt rants.

"I know a lot of the jocks gave you a hard time." Blaine hands him the packet of tissues that are still in his pockets.

Kurt takes them and blows his nose again, but it's not funny this time. "No, I mean, before glee. I was tossed in the dumpster every damn day. The football team (which included my would-be step-brother and Puck, by the way) nailed lawn furniture to my roof and threw balloons filled with urine at me. I didn't have any friends. I didn't talk to my dad at all back then because I was so scared that with each conversation we had, he'd know who I was and that would be that."

"But now you and Finn have a better relationship than I've got with my brother, and Puck calls you one of his boys," Blaine offers, running a hand down Kurt's back.

"That's not the point, Blaine," he snaps. "I got through all that thinking if I could just get out of here, if I could just survive it, it'd be okay."

"And now you're wiser and stronger for it. You are probably the strongest person I know, Kurt. The Kurt Hummel I fell in love with wouldn't let a silly rejection letter stop him from his dreams."

"The worst part? I still have to tell my dad when he comes home this weekend. I'm glad I don't have to tell my mother. I can't help but wonder if I would've…" he swallows and takes a deep breath, breaking Blaine's heart all over again. "…disappointed her somehow."

"Your dad loves you no matter what. You know that, right?" Blaine finally manages. "Do you have any idea how lucky you are that anyone who sees you with your dad knows that? Do you know how much I would give to be able to be so sure of that when it's me next year getting the rejection letters?"

"Since when have you ever been rejected?" Kurt explodes. "You've gotten everything you've ever wanted Blaine. The world's always been yours for the taking. But for me, I try and I try and I try and every single time, it's someone else getting all the solos, it's another contest someone else wins, it's another election I've lost, it's another failed audition. And now it's another rejection letter."

"_Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel like you're less than, less than perfect,"_ Blaine sings softly.

Kurt rolls his eyes.

"Not helping, Blaine," he says with a sigh.

But he's smiling for the first time since he read the letter in spite of himself, and joins in on the second verse.

And Blaine declares it a small victory.


End file.
